Forthe first time since my childhood, our huge dining room table was fullyoccupied, well, all but one place next to my wife, who sat at the headof the table. Opposite her, at the far end, sat the two men, withcouples down each side. I was ordered to act as sommelier, pouringwine and keeping everyone topped up, with the regular three maids, andthe extra three brought in, handled the plate service.I was in great discomfort, as almost every time I leaned over to pour,one or more of the guests would assault my bottom, either pinching,slapping or having a hand run up the inside of my thighs. I thoughtthat the men's companions would have done something about stoppingthem, until I realised that the women were just as bad. Everyone,including Jude but excepting me, thought this was a great joke, and itcaused laughter whenever someone caused me to jump or yelp.I was also the butt of jokes and filthy innuendos, and when someone, ina very loud voice, asked whether the shortness of my uniform. .I feel funny."Without explanation, she tore open her blouse; she was braless again. As she and I stared in utter amazement, a ripple like a wave arose from her tummy and reached her Playboy Playmate-of-the-year breasts, making my mother's nipples erect before our eyes. She sighed, her eyes closed, and a smile crossed her lips. It was almost as if she had had the big 'O' for no apparent reason. I was still staring in disbelief. Finally, her perfect nipples throbbed...I could almost hear the soft sound as they popped, turning from pink to light brown. Standing like pencil erasers, out came a single drop of thick rich mother's milk. I put out a finger and snatched the huge droplet. The taste exploded in my mouth like a melted Dove bar. I looked at mom and she at me; somehow we both knew: she had just conceived...What happened in the end was a modicum of justice. It never occurred to my dear mother, or me, to actually get a real-life attorney to help her out. Once she did, her 'husband'.
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